What decisions did you make as a child in regards to your parenting? And are they non-negotiable?
Do you remember when you were a child and were watching your parents parent?
Did you ever say something like “I want to be just like my Mom or Dad when I grow up.”
OR
“When I am a parent I will never do ________ (Fill in the blank).
Sometimes those experiences can cloud our parenting. Especially when parenting a child with ‘extra’ ordinary needs.
Let’s say you felt your parents were too controlling when you were growing up and you decided as a child you would NEVER be controlling like that.
This can work for a lot of kids just great! But, what if you have a child that actually needs a little more of a controlled environment, with a little more built in safe guards in order to be successful?
Those two things can really contradict each other and leave you like a pendulum - one day giving complete agency and the next day becoming irate with the choices your child has made within that agency.
It’s hard sometimes to reconcile those feelings inside ourselves and do what is right for our child instead of what feels good to us inside.
If you find yourself stuck inside this pendulum here are a few of suggestions:
–Journaling
Journaling can really help you sort out what is reality and what is just negative thoughts or fears. Try just journaling 5-10 min each day. Don’t make it too time intensive. Maybe journal out the situation you are trying to work through with your child, what you have done in the past, did it work? What are you wanting to do differently and what is stopping you from that? What do you need to make it happen?
–Therapy or Life Coaching
Both of these can be incredibly helpful. Especially if you also incorporate journaling. If you try out just the journaling and don’t feel you are making progress, maybe try therapy or life coaching- (I like to think of it more like thought coaching. Life or thought coaching can be really powerful because they are trained to work on your thoughts about what is happening right now. Not past trauma, but right now. But therapy can help us work on our past trauma that could be influencing our parenting choices right now. We have seen some incredible growth happen when parents do EMDR in therapy.
--New Hope Classes
The purpose of the classes are to help you learn the basics to be successful and then help you ongoing to stay in logic, based on research and experience, what will be most helpful to you and your family right now in your current situation. With over 40 years combined experience, LauraLee and I might be able to offer you some suggestions to help. So they might be the right thing to help you make some progress!
As always we wish all the best things for all of you and love to be of service!
