Therapeutic Parenting?
When I first learned what it took to be a therapeutic parent I was so ANGRY.
I didn’t look at it with a compassionate perspective for my child, only what I was going to have to give up.
There was no option of not doing it.
Of course I was going to do it.
But it didn’t mean I had to be happy about it.
Or did it?
As I went along learning what I needed to do I realized that the WAY I did it was maybe more important than me actually doing it.
That maybe doing the therapeutic parenting angry was almost pointless.
What did therapeutic parenting mean to me at the time?
Give up the things for now that don’t end successfully. Leaving less chance for blow ups.
Be calm and kind in my responses 98% of the time. Leaving 2% for stern no nonsense responses. But never angry responses.
Give up outings.
Give up extended family get togethers
Give up taking phone call during the times I needed to be present - which was alot of the time.
Give up church service
It’s a lot in the what I had to give up mindset.
If I tell you you have to give up sugar in order to be a good parent for your child - it won’t make sense to you right? The same way giving up going to the mall and chucky cheese in order to help my child didn’t make sense to me.
Until I sunk myself into my child's world. Until we gave it up for a while and then took him back to the mall. And saw the overwhelm and the behavior after. The behavior because of the confusion and stimulation it created that he didn’t yet have the tools or stamina for.
That gave me the compassion I needed and made it easy to give up the mall and lunch dates.
But first I had to be willing to give something up to learn. I wouldn’t have learned this had I not been willing to give something up first. To have a little faith in the process. To sink myself into it. I would have never known that mall was overstimulating because we were in a constant state of overstimulating. It’s what we did every day. Mall. Lunch with friends, parks with friends - stay busy and distract. I loved it and my kids loved it. But as I started to let go of things I thought I loved a lot I learned to love other things. I learned to love stillness. I had never done that before. I learned to love quiet moments with my kids instead of go go go.
It was then I could create a different mindset. Instead of the ‘giving things up mindset’ I could look at it like this:
What could I do today to create calm?
What could we create artistically that would be a good stress release?
What could we do physically that would be good for our bodies and stress?
What foods could we create that would be yummy AND good for our brains?
What feels right spiritually for myself AND for my kids?
See how it turned into create vs ‘giving up’ over time? But I never ever would have realized that had I not been willing to go through the give up process.
Question to look at and journal about with no judgement or action needed - only curiosity - What is holding you back from sinking yourself into therapeutic parenting?
Please share if you want in the comments.
XOXO
