Relate.
It might feel easy to skip this step. But this is your CONNECTION piece. So don’t skip it! Even when you feel tempted to, remember it’s the easiest part and it is where the tender conversations are most likely to happen.
It’s tempting to skip it since everyone is regulated and you could just move on with your day. And you don’t want to rock the boat. Sometimes, when we try to discuss emotions with our kids things will escalate again.
I get it.
But this is the tender part. And you risk losing that. You have the chance to be the soft place for your child. The safe place. They are regulated and are the most likely to be vulnerable and have their walls down. Don’t miss out!
If they escalate as you start to bring in logic, go back to the first step and regulate again.
Remember that synaptic plasticity? You are looking to create new pathways in the brain. It takes time, work, and sometimes discomfort. But it’s so worth it.
This reason piece is the easy piece for you too. It’s the piece you have been trying to do all along.
They escalate.
You try to reason.
And reason.
And REASON.
And then you escalate too. Out of frustration. You were always great at this piece - you were just missing the regulation piece first!
So….
Regulate
Relate
Reason
Bring in that logic now. Listen. Validate. Relate - share when you maybe went through similar and found your way out. Then bring in reality and logic.
I really hope you give it a try. Stick it out in the beginning, messy part to get to the really sweet part.
And share.
Share with us your journey - we would love to hear!
Next up?
We will go a little more in depth - I will share with you 7 kids (different names) at New Hope, their signs of dysreguation - some might surprise you and you might relate to, and their strategies! It’s crazy how the basic concept is the same for everyone, yet when you break it down, it’s so different from child to child!
